By Qian Wang
I am learning about what it looks like to trust God and what it feels like to put my trust completely in Him.
Learning to be present in the experiences and to feel the emotions. Being there to experience heartache and brokenness and seeing that the world cannot fix me. Being of the world will not fix me or bring me anywhere close to wholeness.
I am learning how much I need God and how good that is. I am learning how good our God is and how much He can pull you through. I am learning to trust and surrender, knowing that it will all be okay.
I was very encouraged by the testimonies from women of different life stages at the Women’s Retreat. I was encouraged by the ways God pulled His daughters through the difficult times. I was encouraged by the ways God is still working in the lives of His daughters. What really resonated with my heart was when a sister shared about her angry prayers to God. I didn’t know I could do that. I didn’t know I could pray angry prayers to God and have God still do something in my life. I didn’t think that in my anger and my frustration, God could meet me. I thought I was too unclean for Him to touch. But, how wrong was I in that? How crooked were my thoughts. Jesus died on the cross for my sins so why would He not want to reach out and hold me in my brokenness? Why wouldn’t Jesus, my Salvation, want to mend my brokenness?
My perception of God was, “I will never be close enough. I will never be good enough.” But, we come broken and our Father clothes, feeds and calls us His daughters.
I went on a 91-day trip after graduation. Looking back, I can see God fulfilling His promises in my life. I wasn’t supposed to go on this trip this year. I wasn’t supposed to go to so many places this time around. But God is so so SO good. I went to nine countries when it was only supposed to be one. I cried at God’s creation. I cried because of the beauty that He created. He led and showed me that He is the Creator of heaven and earth.
I trusted God through my 4 years in college. He provided. I trusted him through my 91 days around the world. And He showed me His glory. I am going to trust Him through all of it. I am going to trust Him for the rest of my life. I know that as long as I am so so so close to God, it’s going to be okay. I am going to be okay because God is on my side and I am drawing near to Him.
It’s going to be okay and I am excited because our God is so good. I want the things that I do from now onward to glorify Him. I have to give a testimony to God at the end of my life and I want to be called His good and faithful servant. I want to be known to have done things for His glory. I do not want to be selfish to do my own thing, but I want to partner with God to work alongside Him because I know that in that there is victory and success.