By Yuen Nap

I started my 3rd year of college last Fall and I’m currently working towards a degree in Education (in Learning & Behavioral Studies) and a minor in Psychology with hopes of being a teacher one day. Last summer, I had the opportunity to work at Gateway Preschool Academy. I worked in a classroom filled with a bunch of amazing 2-3 year olds for 9 weeks.

Besides gaining experience in a classroom setting, being able to practice my teacher voice, and getting a bunch of sweet hugs, God was doing a lot of work in my own life and I wanted to share a little bit about what He has been revealing to me during this season of my life.

Being with this particular age group, I saw a lot of myself in the kids that I worked with. In a way, their stories reminded me of some of the painful memories I’ve experienced as a child. There’s something about being an adult and on the opposite end of the spectrum that was really hard for me. Looking back, I realized that I allowed so much of my past to hinder me from being the best version of myself.

But what was really difficult was opening up about this and sharing the struggles I faced.

In a way, sharing my struggles felt like opening a door for all my insecurities and one of my biggest insecurities is feeling like I’m not good enough. In my mind, sharing the things that I had a difficult time with felt like giving supportive arguments that confirmed the lies that I believed in. A part of me was also embarrassed that I had a hard time in the first place. There was something in me that said, “Yeah, you should be ashamed!” and that was enough to keep me silent.

After spending some time with God, I realized that I was still giving the enemy so much power over my own identity and worth. Being aware of this gave me the opportunity to really sit with the Lord and cut off some of the things that had prevented me from being who God made me to be. One of the many questions I reflected over was “What is God trying to teach me this summer?” and I just wanted to share some of the key points that I received during my time with the Lord:

1. God has done so much healing in my life already. Sometimes the things that have hurt me in the past have been brought to light because God wants to set me free from the lies that bound me and prevented me from being who God has made me to be.
2. My past and my story is not something to be ashamed of. It is a testimony of God’s faithfulness in my life. I am not a victim because the victory is in the Lord. When I feel insignificant, I will hold onto the truth that I am beloved, priceless, and brought with Christ’s blood.
3. The beauty of the Gospel is that Christ died for me when I was still a sinner. Being transparent doesn’t make me weak, it sets me free from the chains of secrecy. God’s love is unconditional. He knows every part of me (even the bad stuff!) and loves me regardless.
4. The Lord has never forsaken me. He has been here the whole time. I may not always understand everything that has happened, but I trust that God is good at being God and that His hand is on my life.

Last summer, God spoke to me in powerful ways. And I’m still learning how to be open with others, seeing myself through the eyes of the Lord, and claiming my identity as a child of God. It’s something that I am still working on and it’s probably something that I will continue to work on for the rest of my life.

Thank you for being my community and a safe place where I can be vulnerable. I was hesitant to share at first, but I’m glad I had the opportunity to share my story with others because, in a way, being transparent feels like declaring victory over the enemy.