by H. Leung

The man in the mirror stares back at me.  Those bags have taken permanent residency under my eyes. My forehead is starting to become a five-head. I’m losing hair where I want hair… and I’m growing hair where there shouldn’t be any hair.  Roughly a decade ago, I shared with my Men’s Group, “Jesus started His ministry when he was 30. This is going to be a big year for me!!” Almost 10 years have gone by and I find myself traversing through the hum-drum, monotonous life of fatherhood.  Occasionally, I read the same Bible passages from last year and say, “I can skip this.” I sometimes sit in Sunday Service and question, “How’s he going to analyze the passage THIS time?” More often than I dare to admit, I would ask, “What is there to learn that hasn’t already been taught?”  

But thankfully, my God is not a silent God.  Here I am, thinking I’m a mature, seasoned Christian when God suddenly says to me, “You’ve barely even started.”  

“What?! But God… look at my church attendance.  Look at all the ministries I’ve served in. Look at all the lives I’ve touched.  Give me more credit!”

Recently, I came across a book that poses a rhetorical question:

“The God of the universe – the Creator of Nitrogen, pine needles, the galaxies and E-minor… loves us with a radical, unconditional, self-sacrificing love.  And what is our typical response?

We go to church, sing songs and try not to cuss…is something wrong?”

I think in our modern times, we’ve really watered down the requirements of entering that narrow gate. We’ve built a beautiful path as a means to get around this narrow gate, and feel good about ourselves.  I’ve come to realize that the hardest part for a camel to go through an eye of a needle – is to first find that needle. I, for one, have lost sight of my needle…let alone trying to get through its eye.

In this season in life, as I’m taking inventory of where I’ve been, what I have and where I’m going, God reminds me that “I have a higher standard.  I am boundless. BOUNDLESS.” There really are two dangers here. One, you’re complacent and have lost the drive to seek God. Two, you’re self-righteous and think you’ve ran that race.  If I can’t even get the basics right, how can I move on and expect to see more and experience more? Ever see a baby run before they walk or crawl?? Ever see a newbie fly down a Black Diamond on their first run? Ever try to read the Bible and do exactly what Jesus says?  If your answer is like mine….then you’re in good company.