By Angus Wu
In the process of growing up, a person’s experience shapes how he/she sees the world, whether or not you are you being cared for, if you feel insecure about yourself, if there is a role model to look up to so that you are sure you are doing the right thing. When problems arise in life, you gather material to solve them and it is like building a house. The confidence of the house would be easily shaken if there is a small difference from the blueprint. If it doesn’t get dealt with, it accumulates and could lead to a total collapse. Through his Holy Spirit at Pastoral Care School (PCS), He healed bits and pieces that my house missed and made me more of a whole person.
I came to the States and found Jesus when I was 18. English is my second language and yet strangely my faith grew vibrantly by it. Even more strangely as a native speaker, the articulation seems to get in the way when I pray for my Mom. Hence, I carry a heart of serving my family to know Christ into PCS.
When I first started to worship in the first session, I was only listening to the songs because I was filled with joy. Like a child going to a candy store, I was wondrous in listening to all the beautiful and worshipful words. They are such delight to my ears and I heard God telling me to just receive like a child being taken care of by his parents.
I thought that was good enough, but God wants so much more than that for His children. As someone started to pray, my eyes began to tear and I couldn’t stop. It was responding to the intercessor’s voice. The voice sounded so gentle and loving. In my family, because of culture, we lack expression in positive emotions like affirmation and such. Communication is a means of directing what to do, but not nurturing what is needed. Listening to that prayer, I felt like the first rain to a dry and thirsty land…it nourished every pore of my soul. And He didn’t stop there. God revealed my inner being. He brought me to uncharted waters of my soul and told me to face it with bravery. I recognize that I didn’t want to acknowledge the brokenness in my family. When I first dealt with it, I skipped the part of pain and suffering caused by my Dad’s extra-marital affair and went straight to forgiveness. We can’t deal with pain until we know what the pain is. At this PCS, I recognize his wrongdoing in the relationship. In the journey, He guided me from being angry at my Dad to loving him with grace. This can only happen because Jesus’ love is continually, steadily and wholeheartedly pursuing me.
In this new year, God and I have a more alive relationship. The Holy Spirit talks to me about my past and I am willing to pause. I can ponder and confess and redeem what is missing through Him. I believe that God is my Healer and He can heal any wounds from the past and make that into a beautiful anchor point for the future.